I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
