Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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