oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
