New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
