We're like a lot better than the average bears
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
