I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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