so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
