Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
time to smoke my breakfast
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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