she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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