we're chasing vodka with high fives
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
