I smell stomach acid.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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