You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
