and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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