I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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