Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
