AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
