no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
