if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
