Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize