he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
