It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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