Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
