Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
