see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
