lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
