God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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