Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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