I wish life had little blips of pornography
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
