Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
