last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
