ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
