I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
