There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize