Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She tied me up with her honor cords...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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