you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
