just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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