Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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