I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
