mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.