you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.