WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
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I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
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We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm just so full of love and alcohol