matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
naw, they were rude, not me.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now