Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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