Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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