dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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