So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
if only i could text you this smell
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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