so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Text me some of your sweat
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize