"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
