great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
