you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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