He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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