i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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