I only kidnapped one of them. chill
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
