Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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