How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
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Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
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Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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