considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
