i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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