my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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