He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
