my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
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But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
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Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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