dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Randomize
