Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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