Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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