Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
