so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
there's paper in my vomit.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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