Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize