I smell stomach acid.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
do herpes really smell.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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