I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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