at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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