In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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